For all my life, I have been afraid. So many different fears I wonder how I am not afraid to do even this. Maybe I was way back when when life was 'Lifing'. But between not being enough (inadequacy), not having enough (scarcity), fear of the past returning, fear of the future (overthinking, anxiety and worst case scenario/crisis planning), these are the shackles that pulled me out of a life worth living. An old war ship that lost its luster and counts it's days before its de

One of the toughest questions many of us are asking ourselves is: Why Do I Exist? Regardless of theory, we have the power to choose our WHY. I believe that in each of us we have natural traits and talents, as well as acquired traits through trials and error that we can use to truly better ourselves, our families, and our communities...should we choose to use them in that way. Key word...Choose.

But here's what they don't tell you about the Normal way. Normalcy can change at anytime. Its all about perception. There's always going to be an opinion that defines Normal. A new wave, a new trend, a new standard or explanation.

But you're Married!! How could you do this? What about your Kids? You're going to destroy their minds and hearts! You're disloyal! You're a manipulator! You're a Fraud! You're a Cheater and a Liar! You're despicable! (With all the spit in my face) You're breaking God's Laws and Covenant! You're worshiping idols and masters! You're becoming primal! Unhinged! Sinful! You're just like all the other men! And the biggest one of all... Why Max, Why?!!

As I scroll through Threads from time to time, trying to spread thoughts and positivity to those that need it... I can't help but see and realize how many people out there carry heavy hearts, fractured minds, hurt spirits... The collective as a whole is suffering inside, even if it's masked on the big algorithm machine.

I'll start by saying that I am married...colorless...odorless...black and white with ink and typewriter. A choice... A decision... Expectations pushed away, twisted, turned, disintegrated. And now, I wear a scarlet letter because I believe in love and mutual energies. Something that goes against the grain of the norm because I am against it's grain. A catalyst for change.

Because Connections Make a Difference. How else can we relieve the pressures we carry from society and our preconceived endless laundry list of responsibilities and duties, without being shunned that we are copping out? That we aren't Man Enough? That we're weak and need to bottle up our emotions and show some damn grit? We have to have some sort of support.

Physical effort, at a subconscious level, reinforces what we've been taught to believe as "our truth," based on someone else's guidance and interpretation. Or better yet, based on societal standards that are never really questioned, just accepted so that we fit in and look the part. We reinforce the beliefs and values stored in our minds through physicality - and yet, we PUSH OUR MINDS TO THE SIDE!

Anger, Revenge, and premeditated Violence became his strange bedfellow when he went to sleep at night. Days bled to Night, Night phased into day. His eyes would never rest neither would his body. Thoughts of winning danced in his head while trauma punched at his chest. A sadness, a regret he couldn't express. Because no one would understand. How a man so strong could be a boy so weak.

Little did I know, when I started living on my own, resentment and judgement lodged into my subconscious mind that didn’t really start showing until I became a parent. I want to share what those resentments are, and how I have, or plan to bury the hatchet to live free of family conflict. We'll start with the sins of my father. 

Brother, you matter! Your story matters! Your legacy matters! Why? You heal as you tell it. Yourself, but you also can heal and awaken others. You can inspire others to dig deep, to get the help even with tears in their eyes. Even with the feeling of pins and needles. When you heal and safeguard your mind, you energize your soul and communicate better to your heart. You feel lighter inside, and your body learns to respond in kind.

In the spirit of Men's Mental Health Month, I'm dropping this classic tale of my Mental Health journey and how I am Embracing Transformation. It's a highlight of everything I'd had to endure, and in some ways still wrestle with as I re-calibrate myself moment to moment. It's my hope that this serves as an inspiration to those that are struggling similarly or struggling at all to take the steps needed to heal and get back on track. Let's get into the pit of who I am.

Mental Health over the past couple of years has become an increasingly important part of our overall wellness as human beings. However, there are several reasons why people opt-out of ongoing therapy sessions: The imbalance of need vs number of practitioners, heightened costs due to the need, lack of empathy and down-to-earth understanding of therapists, and the fear of being JUDGED. 

To hear and feel the emotions of people as we played. To strategize and crack jokes as we ran through the stages together. Thats teamwork!

Letter writing is a lost art form of communication these days. With DMs and Emails coming to the forefront fo communication, we've lost our sense of intimate expression through letter writing. This is part one of a series of letters I write to a variety of people to express my innermost thoughts and feelings and as a show of gratitude. The first is a letter to my younger self, with life wisdom I wish I knew sooner.