Love, Expression, and Defiance: The Rise of Scarlet Letter M

Sometimes while I'm on the go, thoughts will cross my mind deep enough to cut like the sharpest blade. These collection of random thoughts will be called Depth to Write.

WRITEntangled Note: As I write this, I have undergone an evolution of sorts. An impromptu move that I've felt the need to do for quite some time. I recently decided to change my handle to something I feel is a little more ME.

A bit more edgy.

A bit more bold and fearless

and yet not reckless.

I will still be the man that Writes Wrongs.

I am still the man that Writes Life.

But now, the ink from my mind will flow differently,

because I am Scarlet Letter M.

I hope you enjoy and can relate to this first batch of a collection of thoughts in my life

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Here at the park and a lot on my mind. As I watch my son ride his scooter and interact with a few kids, I can't help but think about all the stuff I've seen lately out in the world, on social media threads, and even in my own home. This will be my new series to kinda air those thoughts out. Let me know what you think or feel about the ones that resonate with you.

Suffering

As I scroll through Threads from time to time, trying to spread thoughts and positivity to those that need it... I can't help but see and realize how many people out there carry heavy hearts, fractured minds, hurt spirits...

The collective as a whole is suffering inside, even if it's masked on the big algorithm machine.

People feel slighted because they hoped... expected... put it all on the line to have something tangible... successful...

And for whatever reason it crumbled over time or in an instant.

Failure makes them feel like failures... Inside and to their people that don't really have enough RAM in their own minds to care because they too, are going thru it.

So much anxiety and depression... The super storm of the "new normal" that keeps Healthcare in business so they can waive us all off with medications and high prices...

And yet we need some kind of help because we can't or won't scratch below the surface. We hold it in to save the dollars we keep chasing but can never catch.

War

Chaos is inevitable...

and we are on the precipice of some dark times indeed.

So many countries aiming for war to flex their muscle, this MAGA nation leading the charge into annihilation on many fronts and perspectives.

Unprovoked skirmishes even in its elite cabinet of fools and corporate businessmen in suits three sizes too big or small (no in between).

But you know why war spreads so easily?

Ideologies.

Fear.

Lack of Communication.

False and manipulated information fed to the populace as gospel in the technological age, even through the generations before it.

Don't like him...don't like her....fuck them...its all their fault.

So many unnecessary fights.

Countries,

Ethnicities,

Races,

Communities,

Sexes,

And most importantly the war within ourselves we ignore because of distractions that attack our minds and dull our souls.

Why must we fight?

Why do we fail to lead with raised tones and our fists when the other party isn't even poised as a threat, but rather having a different perspective.

No one wants to communicate and be vulnerable. So many want to be right and say their piece and yet...they ignore the front lines of the battlefield within.

Blade of Echoes

My greatest masterpiece yet is inching closer to final resolution.

Each little step is a major event for me.

Writing has always been me. I remember being 8 years old and writing my first trilogy of short stories based on the 90s derailment of NYCs IRT number 4 Train.

From there I went on, intoxicated by a slew of movies, action cartoons, video games and anime to craft many of my unfinished projects that got lost through time and through life.

Revisions have been... Trying. Not because it's not coming out how I want... But because of the amount of adjustments I'd had to do off two passes. I'd expanded the lore of the Cyberpunk - Mystic - SciFi sides of it to bridge the gap in a way that was unique.

Literally a council comprised of scientists, scholars, and strategists from the distant past and far futures.

So many scenes gutted and rewritten these past two months... But I'm here to say I am finally finished...at least with this chop of it.

The final scenes were quite the overhaul. My Antagonist, The Coll3ctor, was reworked to take on a split personality kind of villainy because of the traumas from his past.

He wants to end war and seize power...

But he must gather the resources to become a scarier adversary than War... To reset the board of players. This makes my protagonist, Deimos, even more worthy of the outcome.... Or will he be? I'll spill a bit more tea on this project as time goes on.

LED (Love, Expression, and Defiance)

I'd been weighed down for a long time about Love, Expression, and Defiance.

I used to think that I was following the right path... Being married.

Thinking 'oh hey this will last the test of time'.

This is the truest form or proof of love there is...

That word... Proof...

I had to prove... And so I did... with Everything...

With all that I had.

Everything out of desire with undertones of fear...

The what ifs...

The limiting beliefs from past relationships failed.

The 'I'm not good enough' phrases that rattled in my head...

Ghosts of the past feeding the anxious attachment inside me.

Then everything changed.

Everything fell flat...

Morphed...

Disintegrated.

Though I may wear the Scarlet letter in black and white...

I am free in mind, heart, soul... The real faucets of life.

These three can go to who it wants and be filled...

And you know what... I don't feel guilty even when I'm slandered or heckled...questioned...or even ran from.

I'm no longer in chase... I flow.

I walk... I breathe... I BE.

With this new outlook on Love I've become more open with my expression.

I've always been one to talk about the victories and the battles I'd suffered through and probably lost... Which is a lot...

But now...

It's like a weight is lifted.

I don't let what others think derail me as much anymore,

because who's life is it anyway? Mine.

As I express myself more freely, I realize how much I am at a loss with what society says I must say and do.

No questions.

No alternate train of thoughts.

Money talks.

Seize power by any means necessary.

Always stay on top.

Dominate the competition.

Get all the likes and follows to tell you that you're great...

You've made it...

And make MO money MO money MO money off of that.

CAPITALIZE THAT SHIT OR YOU ARE NOTHING.

No... I differ... I have to defy because if I don't... I won't be truly living.

I don't want to be like YOU.

I'm not you.

My name is Max... A name of excellence.

Simple yet effective...

That name has earned me...

And I have earned it...

And as such, I will simply live my life and question and challenge what I want... Inside and out.

I'll still have the jitters though...

Wondering about the words I'll get back...

The rejections...

Being discarded by those I've connected with...

Hurting someone I care about...

Those will take time to lessen.

But, I am truly in my prime.

I can and must express myself...

I must stand against what doesn't make sense to me...

What doesn't feed my heart, mind, and soul.

Improve my vibration, renew and mutually align with me.

If it isn't about that, I'll defy it...

I'll bury it, even if I'm wrong...

Because I'm human.

Father Wrestling with ADHD Kids

All three of my children have ADHD. All different types.

My two girls lean more with the daze of life.

Uninterested in things unless it's their life in a small glowing box.

For my son, however, he's the hyper ball of energy raging against the machine of authority.

Since day care, his struggling with emotional regulation resulted in often catastrophic meltdowns that at many times left me exhausted and feeling like a shit parent.

It's a reason why I had all the kids pulled from traditional schools.

So now their mom and I have zero breaks unless one goes out for a breath of fresh air.

Lately it has gotten to the point where he's put holes in the walls and refuses to have a conversation until he calms down.

In those moments he doesn't care about reasoning.

He doesn't care about emotions or doing something he's asked.

He wants what he wants right then and there.

No means violence.

No means untapped anger like Vegeta when Goku outshines him.

The rage can last as long as two hours... And before you ask,this is also him on medications...

He started and stopped treatment because...

Healthcare costs are hefty...

Even working for the company that supplies my insurance.

So it's been an uphill battle with weights.

He's not a bad kid.

Just triggered easily and doesn't know how to handle concepts like patience or consequences until he's ready to be calm and apologize.

To make matters worse, his sisters will annoy him, sometimes on purpose.

He'll do the same, not realizing the cues to leave people alone.

As for the girls, one is forgetful of everything and veggies out because we, the parents, don't get to take em out or do things.

They're teens, have no friends, and have no interests....

No matter how much we ask or suggest.

The oldest wants solitude she can't have because she's closest to her brother.

The middle has solitude but wants to start fights with her brother because she's bored and acts like her shit never stinks.

She acts perfect, like she's the queen and does everything right,

until she gets called out on her shit.

But that doesn't even stop her Capricorn drive.

'but they did this first'

the victim mentality so many of us have in this country and the world.

So its an ongoing series of skirmishes that leaves me weary, on top of everything else I wrestle with like my thoughts above.

So why don't you force them to do something?

Get them in therapy?

Take away their screens?

Give them ultimatums?

Because I believe in my kids living a balanced life.

Not one with rule books always in their face when they are free spirited.

I don't want them to be cogs in the wheels of society while they get drunk off their norms and still end up with anxiety and depression.

I don't want my kids to be cookie cutter workers.

As for therapy or me asking for help and resources,

well lets just say Pride...

and not wanting to be judged.

Pardon me while I chuckle,

because that's yet another unspoken 'Mess of a Man'

Because, that's the indoctrination society taught me

lessons I am still learning to overcome and incorporate.

Quite the heavy mind I have huh?

Well you'll get a lot more of these.

Uncut

Unfiltered

Diabolical even...

Because these thoughts I have,

Offer me Depth to Write

Until next time, stay #WRITEntangled