The Hidden Truth About Marriage (The Paradox of Love)

A man surrenders a wedding ring...but whats the real reason for it? Is it necessary to live a good life and to have a fully functioning and mutual relationship(s)? Here's what they don't tell you about Marriage...from the Writer between the Lines.

I took many deep breaths before I decided what to write.

I sit here with my heart, mind, and soul in Limbo.

Not necessarily a dark place, but a place of...

Mystery...

Mysticism...

Contemplation...

At home...where I need to be within the confines of all and nothing, all at once.

My holy sanctum as I reflect on the many to form one story to tell...one experience..

or in this case...

a different take 'the many' will want to avoid...

wave off with a slighted hand...

quote religious texts to counter my questions and experimental truths through the many lives I've lived....

Every 7 years, 6 times over easy. (Do the math)

As I write this, I'm supposed to do a patriotic salute for centuries of bombs bursting in air. I don't feel liberated and yet I am more now than I've ever been.

Because I write...

I express...

I feel with all the senses...

I listen and respond from my inner voice...

All because I had to take an L...

Irony..there's no L in Marriage, but its all about Love isn't it?

Or is it?

But if it wasn't for the Marriage and the Fall, I wouldn't see and understand it all.

I have a song on repeat from Apollo Brown and Evidence called "There's Always Radio" as I write and flow...

SO I apologize in advance for the flood from what I now understand and know.

If you haven't read my Blog: Mess of a Man, I highly recommend you do.

It'll set the tone and some context for what I'll say here.

I'll start by saying that I am married...colorless...odorless...

black and white with ink and typewriter.

A choice...

A decision...

Expectations pushed away, twisted, turned, disintegrated.

And now, I wear a scarlet letter because I believe in love and mutual energies.

Something that goes against the grain of the norm because I am against it's grain.

A catalyst for change.

13 years...

another 13 where I've met an end...or yet another new beginning.

No...I am not divorced for reasons many will not accept or understand.

To that I say:

I am Libra...I weigh all the options ahead of time.

Balance is everything...so is harmony, peace, and love.

Love...that last part...the driving force of the questions I have.

Before I go in, know that I don't regret my decision to get married and have a family.

It was who I was meant to become at that time...

but now...it seems like we've outgrown each other...

like leaves from an autumn tree...

and that's okay.

We live together as a family but live different lives...

in different stages and mindsets...

for the greater good....

Does that make me a monster?

Does that make me a villain?

Unlovable?

A con?

A fraud?

A Simp?

A heartbreak kid ready to give you sweet chin music through glass?

Or does that make me truly human...

complex living in a complex world whose standards and definitions of what is need to change?

What is Marriage Really?

Marriage...when two souls band together in the physical, to love each other forever and ever.

Through thick and thin...

Through the sun and the clouds...

Through the good and the bad times...

To remain steadfast...to not run...to not cower...to not shut down...

To always smile, grit your teeth and bear it...

Because we have someone to live up to...someone to honor...to show..to appease...

if not our partners who?

Oh wait, there's God. He gave us Christ.

Christ loved the church...and so we must love each other, yes?

We must stay together forever.

No eyes and desires for anyone else...

even if your spouse is incapable of loving you back mutually,

whether they realize why or not?

Marriage is the ABSOLUTE STANDARD when it comes to (romantic unconditional) love.

It's the benchmark.

Many have said 'if we're just f*****g or dating to date I don't want it...I wanna be married.'

But have we really asked ourselves the root question of...

Why?

So Why Did You Get Married?

We get married for many different reasons.

The stuff that's paraded in our society, telling us we ain't sh*t if we aren't boo booed up with a ring on the finger taking millions of cuddle selfie photos and hundreds of vacations in a lifetime.

Our parents tell us 'this is the way' like Mando was their teacher.

For me it was a lot of things.

Truthfully, I was terrified of and hated being alone.

Tired of searching.

Tired of getting the run around, played, or being silently or politely rejected.

For a time, I went through some people that had their deep rooted struggles.

I tried to overlook them with the rose colored glasses, but the truth of their plight came out...as did mine...because I'm no angel myself.

When someone was interested in me finally...

contributing energy that I was giving everyone else...

I was hooked...intoxicated.

My heart fluttered. Back felt tingles that gave me wings cheaper than Red Bull.

Like All Elite Wrestling in Texas this year...I was ALL IN!

Moved through the stages fast. Felt this was it.

I'd never be alone again...or so I thought.

But that was my 'Why.'

What's it for you, Really?

Because you know your worth?

Because you're tired of the games?

Maybe its the insecurities hidden behind the makeup, the soft voice, and the swagger?

Perhaps you were heavily groomed,

by family before you from generations past.

Influenced by religious practices that told you the doctrine of 'one forever or else.'

They'd guilt you for being attracted to more than one person,

because maybe for you one source of energy isn't enough...

that you can't truly put all your eggs in a single basket and expect the value to not diminish over time.

They'd damn you to hell and say 'Satan, the Jinn, and all the Demons are plaguing your life choices.'

'You're possessed.'

'You need Jesus'

'Read the word and repent'

Maybe its seeing your friends happy when they get engaged...

the hundreds of wedding pictures on their social media feed and you feel like you're a good person and missing out.

Maybe you're driven mad by the biological clock presented by Science...

a diabolical method of control for the uncontrollable.

If you don't get married by a certain age you can't have kids...and you really want kids...

so that becomes a reason to pressure into it.

Or maybe you're ambitious and drawn to measure success...and marriage IS that runaway goal.

That final nugget to place on the mantle with your trophy spouse to say you made it...

You got it all.

Everything you put your mind to.

'Because I'm worth it...and I always get what I want'

And yet...there's a question to ask about life in general...

When you do get what you want, why does happiness slip through your fingers?

Why do you and your spouse distance from each other as time goes on even when you are firing on all cylinders?

Or when one does it all and then some, while the other drifts away

in their silence from their internal struggles they refused to bring to light or work on...

a mask broken with no way to put it back together.

'Ok then why don't you divorce then so you can be free?'

Because I have no need to...Marriage is physical...it can be a state of mind, but it doesn't bind love energy...and we humans are beyond our bodies.

'Oh so its okay to cheat and feel like I'm gonna be left at any moment'

If you are getting the honest truth from the person that is tied in black and white...THAT is the real connection...not the law...not the black and white...not what others tell you it needs to be.

What's the Hidden Truth About Marriage?

Here's something that came to realization when I got my spiritual reading, and the topic of my own Marriage came up.

All Marriages will DIE.

They will be born, decay, and die.

There's no escaping it.

Whether by accident, naturally, by choice, or decree.

Its inevitable.

No matter what stipulations we add.

No matter what control measures we implement to keep our partner focused on just us.

Doesn't matter the time or the method, it will end.

This also means that Marriage does NOT guarantee a healthy and mutually balanced relationship.

Marriage is not a requirement, nor should it be the ABSOLUTE STANDARD it is today.

Love is love. Full of energy. Full of support, compromise, understanding through shared knowledge and experiences.

So riddle me this, what does Marriage add to that equation?

Take out the financial benefits...what does it leave you as a couple?

Does it strengthen and enhance the love even after you've achieved that benchmark?

Or does it nullify the effects of your trauma and insecurities from failures' past? Do you feel the weight of guilt from family and religious teachings sitting on your chest telling you you're not valuable without the ring, the title, the dress and the tux?

Without the pomp and circumstance?

The lavish expenses for a lifetime for all to see?

A grand spectacle just so you can check that off your bucket list and then renew your vows like that every couple years or when you feel like it still?

Take time to ponder on that before you judge, make assumptions, or run from the person that expressed themselves to you...their deepest story.

Some of us married and its in shambles...both parties know it...and yet they stay together.

Crazier things happen in this crazy world.

I've been immersed in teachings from the Tao over the past few weeks. One of the themes taught is how we as humans have no control over the flow of nature, and when we try we fail, adding unnecessary weight into our lives.

So is marriage this free form, holy, divine thing that truly is the essence of love? Or is it another ultimatum we've conjured up through multiple means to control love energy?

We all have been persuaded that marriage is the way, and yet look how many have broken?

Look at the divorce rates.

Look at the unnecessary fights in court over property and child support? How we even weaponize our children to get a temporary dose of freedom and satisfaction so we can repeat the process...

Like a hamster's life cycle, running round and round in a predictable cage.

I'm not a man spiteful on marriage. I am merely entertaining a different train of thought.

What if the times are changing?

What if people don't get divorced so that they can mutually maximize their collective household? Why not use the benefits for what they are at least for the time being? Does that mean that there's gonna be cheating and they can't see other people?

F*** no. Thats between the spouses to discuss.

Open marriages aren't that uncommon either...after all, mine told me to go ahead and be free.

Find love that can actually balance me...give me the harmony that she cannot anymore.

Her words not mine. Thats still love too right?

So here I stand at the crossroads of normal and immoral, walking the fine line between the two:

The precipice.

And yet, I'm in the prime time of my life like Daft Punk.

Now more clear that this is the path I must walk for myself,

with all the finger pointing,

the shame,

the guilt

the side eyes

the whispers of the man that wears the scarlet letter

still dripping fresh from the paint of yesterday, and the days before it.

Is that so uncommon?

To be authentic?

To defy the odds?

To step outside the norm and do it a way no one else does?

To think and feel differently?

Isn't that what humanity stands for? The self and to connect?

So why the fear to be different?

To take the chance of a lifetime when you feel it in your chest

Radiating like a future life energized and fulfilled?

With someone like you who isn't THEM...

that stands out because they are who they are?

The world is bleeding out, no bandage.

No surgery can fix it

Incurable if we stay this course of noble ignorance.

We claim to be strong and independent,

and cry alone in our sheets

our hearts pounding wondering if and when the next check comes in.

We have spouses that discard us in rage or silence

While we wonder why and pick up the pieces.

ABSOLUTE STANDARD indeed.

In a world that promotes the individual achievement over the collective good,

we're told to be divided.

To grind.

To blame.

To point the finger.

To remain rigid.

To control everything.

But where has that really gotten us?

Many of us struggle to hold on by ourselves

but those that are exs and live together still or remain partnered are cast aside without a thought.

But behold, history has a way to repeat itself..

to bring everything full circle.

To a time where marriage didn't matter,

it wasn't even a concept or a word.

It was to build and maintain the species, above all else.

Well guess what world, we're going right back to it.

The old ways are dying. I merely ask you to consider alternatives.

Don't be ashamed or afraid of all the what ifs.

Energy attracts energy.

If its meant to be it WILL BE.

You're not an alternative or the second option or choice.

You are the present moment, bask in that.

Celebrate that.

Appreciate that.

Be grateful for that.

We need each other more than you know.

Married, Single, or In between...love is love.

Don't shun it for its backstory.

I may not be for everyone,

but I know one thing...I am that damn good.

This is a lot. I'm not even sure I hit everything I wanted to. But I had to stick my chest out because I'm bleeding out.

Love spilling everywhere.

This week has been a wave, with THIS at the forefront.

If this made you uncomfortable or look at me differently,

maybe that is good. Because my story is my own.

Its not black and white. Its colorful, its messy...

a beautiful madness in the back of a rusty sedan.

But this is what it is...this is who I am...

the Writer Between the Lines...

and I'm #WRITEntangled