Our MENtality: How Man Up Culture Destroys its Men

Man Up Culture is the real Epidemic that Destroys its Men

In the words of DJ Khaled with all the confidence in the world after dropping another massive hit.

"Anotha' one"

Back at it this week in the Our MENtality Series and this gets right to the root of the problem why men do not check themselves and reach out for help and support when they need it.

The Stigma we face at the clutches of the infamous Man Up Culture, and all the variations we've heard over the decades...

They all need to Die! (Messatsu, I say in my Akuma stance before you get hit with the Shun Goku Satsu...if you know you know)

Many men may not see it this way, but we are plagued with a stigma that has become the real epidemic.

In fact, not only does it effect the man as an individual, it effects the people around them whether they realize it or not.

Especially our young boys, that many now struggle with finding themselves and dealing with their emotions and high energy.

We're told to toughen up, not show emotion (that's a feminine thing), don't be a b*tch, a woman don't want a soft a** man, get money, grind, hustle, sacrifice your sleep for the long game (I hate this one the most) and most importantly...MAN UP!

Today I want to talk a bit about the Man Up Culture and how it destroys it's Men and their Mental Health and Well-being.

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The Basic Tenants of the Man Up Culture

When growing up, we are indoctrinated to have certain qualities and traits. We are indoctrinated to follow certain ideologies and believe certain things. For boys especially, we are thrust into a twisted sense of traditionalism when it comes to living our lives:

We are the providers and therefore automatic head of household (As soon as a woman works or makes more than us, we have failed as a man; this becomes a competition)

We are anti-feminine. No emotions. "Stand tall, stick your chest out boy and be a man" (s/o to Nas)

Males must have high standards and confidence. Show no fear. Show no weaknesses...and asking for help or admitting you have a problem without finding the answers yourself is a weakness.

Be tough and physically strong. Always be ready to defend what's yours and get after what you want because its a dog eat, dog world.

Don't get me wrong, its good to have tenants to go off of. However, these are examples that have driven so many men off the deep end.

Men as providers I have personally struggled with. This puts the own us on our back and puts a lot of pressure on us to perform at the highest level against other men coming to take whats ours. Growing up with low income, a lack mentality raised the bar of the need to compete and makes us volatile. Whoever earned more did better, and if a man's family was struggling, he would have to take the blame since he was the one working.

Woe to you if you failed to earn as a man, especially if your failure was brought to your attention by your family, friends, and your loved ones. When your lady has to step in and work after you were at the helm so long, it eats at a mans confidence. For some women they work because they are contributing to the whole, which is commendable. They want the team to win. For others, its to chastise the man for his lack of commitment to his legacy, and she will rub it in his face with how she spends 'her' money and the comments she will sling directly at you or to her people about you. (This is the other side of the problem...when a woman embraces the Man up Culture and weaponizes it against you. Such a lady can often be referred to as the Modern Woman)

This puts a man at the point of no return. He can't speak about it because that goes against the second Man Up tenant of being anti-feminine and showing emotions. Where's your sense of confidence as a man when you're showing your weakness to not take charge and provide for yours? And you expect your woman to follow you when you failed and are carrying emotional pressure you can't let off in a healthy way?

Do you see the nuclear primer here y'all? This is what men face behind the scenes! The lower they are in the economic class, the more this stigma deteriorates the essence of a Man! We have to fix this.

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How Man Up Culture Destroys its Men

Manning up puts Men in a box.

To become a machine

To provide, to win, to collect, to gather.

To conquer everything and everyone in its path.

To step on the throats of those competing with him to acquire his resources. A threat that isn't.

To control his partner with an iron fist, rather than from a healthy heart.

To lash out in a rage with his fists and boisterous howl that scares the souls of those around him knowing the damage he can wield.

A little boy revisiting his traumatic experiences growing up when he couldn't have his way.

Broke.

People he loved rejecting him or casting him aside for something or someone better without explanation.

Bitter because he couldn't do or be what everyone else was able to do.

He wasn't cool.

He wasn't macho.

He was made fun of. Picked on. Bullied.

His parents called him a loser.

Or they just didn't show up at all, trapped in their own cycle of trauma and to provide in a broken home.

Mother was too broken hearted, while Daddy drank himself senseless and used drugs to cope from his demons.

Maybe that would bandage the hurt in his heart, the violence in his voice.

Maybe he could forget, even if just for a moment with the substances he broke the bank for.

The same grind he said he needed to take care of his family.

To pay for the rent, the cars, and everything from a lifestyle that was promoted and was never truly his to begin with.

The Nightmare Dream of America.

His spouse hated him in silence because he wasn't who he was at first.

A sweet man withered away by the elixir of the past and the demands of his future come now moment to moment.

Such was the cost of success...such was the cost of being a man.

He had to win to keep her.

Always win no matter the cost.

He had to sacrifice sleep. To conquer.

Lack of control meant everything he worked for would leave him.

And yet its his control in a choke hold that led to his own losses.

Still he'd ignore the signs in his body, fighting on.

That's all he'd ever known.

From the fists his father laid on him, forcing him to fight.

Another nod of control.

Anger, Revenge, and premeditated Violence became his strange bedfellow when he went to sleep at night.

Days bled to Night, Night phased into day.

His eyes would never rest neither would his body.

Thoughts of winning danced in his head while trauma punched at his chest.

A sadness, a regret he couldn't express.

Because no one would understand.

How a man so strong could be a boy so weak.

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How to Kill the Man Up Culture...

We have to start with revising the tenants to something more modern and balanced.

We have to eliminate the emotional pressure gauges on our Men and let them know that they are HUMAN and are allowed to think, feel, and process their emotions without feeling its a challenge to their manhood.

There's men out here that will ridicule men for expressing the hurt they feel, the overwhelming weight they carry in silence day to day. These same men that weaponize the culture, blanket statement all women, and anyone that says anything different is considered a feminist like its a war going on outside. Manosphere, Red-Pill all of it serves no purpose but to incite division amongst men and the sexes.

Women have their versions of Red-Pill too! Many will be quick to sit on their high chair, scorned by past woes and traumas at the hands of men and speak their vinegar 'truth' to be free of the Patriarchy and all things men.

To this divide, Masculine vs Feminine I say this is an unnecessary battle that must be ended. We each have Masculine and Feminine traits. Its energy, not a gender. Businesses are built with masculine energy. We have music, literature, and arts because of the feminine. These aren't tied to genders specifically but rather energies.

With that said, Men need to stop feeling less of a man when they want to open up! To express themselves! To open up about the problems they face day to day! You need help or an ear to listen to? Get it! Use the resources you have available to you, and if you don't have anyone, I volunteer brother! Look me up on Threads and Instagram. Lets talk!

Men, we need to be each other's barometers FIRST. Check in on one another and keep it real. Don't be ashamed for your shortfalls or struggles, because our stories define who we are AND who we are on the path to become. The alternative to not opening talking about what we go through is we become volatile and drown ourselves in work, or we isolate ourselves from our friends and loved ones and blow up when they least expect it. Is that what you really want? To be a time-bomb?

Women, stop shunning Men when they open up to you about their struggles, shortfalls, and difficulties. Some of you will say you want a man that's HONEST and OPEN, COMMUNICATES with you. But when he comes at you with heaviness on his chest and his emotions are all over the place, some of y'all will shut down because y'all don't know what to do with a man that is hurting. What would you do if your girlfriends came to you crying? Would you chastise her or put her down? Would you tell her to shut her trap and be a woman? No! Embrace your man FULLY! Take it all in as he's pouring it all out. For that man to open up and express to you his innermost thoughts and feelings shows that you hold a special place in his heart. Put your disdain away and embrace him as I'm hoping he would, in turn, embrace you.

Men, we can be tough and physically strong, but we have to be emotionally, mentally, and spiritually balanced. We cannot do that if we don't take the time to nurture ourselves. Nurturing is, or course, a feminine trait (told you...we each have both energies in us)

Couples, I believe, are two parts of the same whole and must support and back up each other, especially when it comes to providing for the household. Whether its man works and lady stays home, or both work, or woman works and dad stays home (because that happens too!) Dollar amounts should not amount to who has more say. I know its an unpopular take BUT it takes two (minimum) to rule an empire. But each body becomes one body together. Bounce ideas off each other. Weigh your options together, gauge each other's strengths and weaknesses. Whenever possible, agree to and make decisions together.

Lastly, my brothers, be vulnerable in your moments of life. You don't have to be aggressive and show yourself strong all the time, contrary to what you've been taught to believe or follow. Vulnerability isn't a weakness as the word is defined, but rather, a pathway to develop it into a strength. It takes a real person to be vulnerable, and a real one to listen and embrace them as you reveal them. If you feel, or they show that they aren't down with your team, cut em' off. Doesn't matter who it is. Real ones will listen and embrace you without question or ulterior motive. This is key to our mental health and well being, which I'll discuss in greater detail in my next installment of Our MENtality.

Stay tuned for the next one. Until then, lets stay #WRITEntangled