Your 'Independence' is a Prison. Here's Why!
- The Ronin that Writes
- 13 minutes ago
- 8 min read
This one right here is not for the weak or ignorant.
Its not for the arrogant or narcissists.
Its not for the closed minded folks that will glance and pass it by.
I have a bone to pick with a mentality that plagues Men and a growing percentage of Women
and I call it the Self-Made Island: The Prison of Independence.
When I was still heavily browsing social media, I cringed at how frequent I'd come across posts where people were promoting themselves as being strong and independent. They promoted themselves as being self made and not needing anyone to live the life they established for themselves. Some would even justify having a deeper sense of peace not having to deal with or coordinate with someone else.
We've ALL seen or heard of this. We know people that live that life. Hell, it might even be the person you see in the mirror. Phrases used include:
"I'm strong and independent"
"I don't need no man/woman"
"I can be bad all by myself"
"Fuck bitches, get Money"
"M.O.B"
Hell even a classic line from Scarface gets in on it:
"First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the respect."
Notice there's nothing in that line directly about people!
Sure, being able to live your life in a way you see fit is a wonderful thing that we should all strive for.
But there is something that is often overlooked when we define ourselves as Strong and Independent, and this is probably gonna sting. This is probably gonna piss people off and make them step away...and that's okay.
People on Self-Made Islands, are NOT truly strong and independent.
In fact, what they parade, they didn't really achieve on their own.
You Aren't REALLY Self Made
Lets break this mentality down with some examples.
Let's say you are a homeowner. A hell of an accomplishment especially in today's economy. You post on social media all the bells and whistles of your home, the vehicles, the lawn, the view, all of it. You caption by saying "God gave me all of this", or simply put, "This is all me right here. I did it alone through hard work, dedication..." all the cool buzzwords.
But let me ask you, if you did it all by yourself, did you build the house? Or did you purchase it from someone? Better yet, if you had the house built for you, you had to coordinate with contractors right? That means you didn't do it on your own.
Did you coordinate with the utility companies? That would imply you spoke with people. You didn't do it on your own.
Lets do another example, something that hits home with all of us, getting food and drinks.
You claim to be strong and independent. But, how do you go about getting your food? You go to the grocery store? You door dash or Uber Eat it? You order it online from a company that promises to package a ready to cook meal for you? Sorry, that doesn't make you self-made and independent at all. Why?
To be independent, you would grow your own food and cook it yourself. In fact, you would make and use the materials you created to cook your own food. You would not need to have people make and package the food for you.
Last example I promise. Lets get to the heart of it.
You're strong and independent because you make your own money...or do you?
Did you create your own currency?
Sure currency comes in many different forms. We are in the digital age now, where currencies are moved within seconds via institutions and applications that make money management easy. We now live in an age where digital currencies are known, grown, traded, and created.
However, how do you manage your money? Did you create the app to move money from one account to the next? Who created that software? How is it managed?
If you have cash on hand, did you print the money? Did you make the ink that was used on the paper? Did you create the paper yourself?
How about the accounts that hold your money? When you need to withdraw a large amount for a purchase, you do have to speak to someone right?
Oh yeah...yes you do. So does that make you independent? Are you really self made? Or do you need people to a degree to get to where you are?
Even if you are an entrepreneur or business owner, how can you be Self-Made when you hire people to do your business for you? How can you be strong and independent when you are dependent on employees to carry out services? How can you be a self-made island when you NEED people to buy into your business?
I'll wait...
How Your Independence Became a Prison
Some of you may be wondering why I'm going off like this. Some of you may label me as being a hater of your success or jealous because I don't have it like you. I may even be labeled as ignorant for my questions or stance on this fallacy.
Truth is, I'm not. I am merely expressing my deep thoughts on it and highlighting that words carry power and meaning, and we are quickly forgetting that. We're not paying attention to words, definitions, and tones of things we say. We don't understand the ramifications of the things we do, or the reasons behind why we do it.
Thats why I'm here!
I may be shooting in the dark here, but the Self-Made and False sense of Independence develops during times of uneasiness, conflict, and traumatic experiences.
In many ways, this fallacy becomes an armor we wear, like Dean Todd in the Magicians (check out my blog on The Iron-Clad Mask - linked below) The armor prevents us from being hurt by BETRAYAL of people we loved or trusted. It protects us from being seen as weak or dependent on others.
We can learn this from an early childhood, when our parents or adults we trusted told us to toughen up, stop crying and relying on people. Even my mom would tell me that I trust people too easily and I shouldn't be putting my business out there because people would always take advantage of me. Add to that, I grew up in the 90s Fatherless era where single moms grieved while raising their black and Latino boys to be the men that their father's wouldn't be.
The same can be said about daughters growing up in a broken home. They were told by their mothers and even grandmothers that men are out to hurt and betray them. They would need to grow up be educated, get a good job and 'make that money' to take care of themselves so they didn't end up like generations of women before them.
Add to that ethnicity and cultural biases and discrimination whether subtle or blatant. It drives parents to raise their children to be bullet proof with the notion of someone being out to get them or take advantage of them...remnants of the generational curse called Survival and Preservation.
The innocence of the children is then eroded along with all the other forms of indoctrination we go through in our households, our places of worship, and our schools. We're further influenced by our friendships and people we were attracted to, dated, or loved.
Sometimes it takes one heavy experience. Sometimes it takes along string of reoccurring events for person to shift gears and go "fuck this I'm gonna be a new me," and cut people off. The armor, the mask, and the experience becomes their friend...their trusted advisor.
A prison of solitude disguised as peace and freedom.
Planting the Seeds to Your Life Sentence
Money and materialism becomes the seductive mistress we can't resist, because everyone is getting it....some without dirt in their nails.
Comparison is the thief of joy, and for children growing up in poverty like I did, its a nugget that always lingers in our minds. We compare ourselves to others in school that have it better than we do and boom the seeds are planted.
We may come across situations where those childhood experiences of poverty come back and replicate themselves in our adult lives (like it did for me in 2018 when I lost everything) and that becomes the toxic driving force to create the Prison of Independence.
Then there's the betrayal of love, the wound that cuts us the deepest and turns us cold. After so many betrayals, whats a human to do but become hard on themselves, curse our hearts for loving who we did/the way we did, and saying never again.
"I'm closing off and I'll focus on me by working hard and being successful."
We'll focus on the materials and call it managing our peace. But is it really though?
You deflect and reject out of hurt and yet define it as someone not meeting your standards or you grow bored easily of them?
Or, you understand you have trauma, but there's no deep action taken to battle back against it.
Instead we watch the dollars roll in, the vacations and lavish spas booked, the businesses owned, the houses built and bought, and say "I did this all by myself"
There's a lot of different variables here, but I hope you can see what I'm getting at. We cannot cut ourselves off from people in the sense that we never interact or coordinate with anyone ever again. From a tangible and biological perspective there is always a need to. Why? Because even at the cellular level we are all connected.
Its Time to Change the Terms
Is strong and independent the right terminology to use when we describe ourselves and our accomplishments? What about Self-Made? What can we use?
I think 'focused on ourselves' is more realistic. We can even say 'walking our life path or pursuing our passions or purpose'. Maybe even living a better version of our lives...for us.
We're not giving off this perception or illusion of us doing everything by ourselves from the ground up. It doesn't reveal that we have trauma armor on and that we don't need anyone to get where we are at...because we definitely do cross paths with people to get here.
Its great to treat ourselves and be able to live life, but we have to live FULLY. To live fully, we have to be well maintained. To be well maintained we have to take care of our minds, bodies, and spirits at a minimum. We have to be open to getting help from other people that either have experiences we've had or are professional in nature.
Past generations swept mental health under the rug...the easiest way to a life sentence in the Penn. Let's get ourselves into therapy and counseling EVEN if its for a couple weeks or months. We may have answers for everything, but there's always going to be something we may miss, especially when it comes to what goes on in our heads. Different perspectives don't hurt!
Our well being supersedes the materials we have. What we need to understand, our lives are better and have more meaning when connected with people.
Don't believe me?
Go live on an island and do it all yourself.
I'll hear from you soon enough...or maybe not.
The truth is tangled within. May my words offer you true freedom through soul-work.
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