Letters to the Future (To Me, My Children)
- The Ronin that Writes
- Aug 22, 2025
- 14 min read
Last time I did one of these, I wrote a letter to my past self (Go check out that one if you missed it). This time, I want to reverse course and shoot a message out to the Future by way of the Present.
No I don't need to write to my future self, but rather I want to send some love out to my firing squad of ADHD snack hounds I call my kids :)
As I sit here to contemplate what I want to say to each of them, I just want to share that everything I try to do, I have them in mind. I always wanted to be good to my family in the midst of everything going on. To be honest, though I have provided for them and protected them, I feel like at times I haven't done enough. Sometimes I see their faces and body language and feel like I failed them.
My kids all home school, which eases the tension on their learning. However, I feel like I let them down when it comes to gaining experience, teaching life skills, nurturing, exposure to different places, exploring social interactions and in some ways discipline.
The few people I've had in my small circle have said that I'm an amazing dad, but there are times where I definitely struggle or feel like I contributed to their development being behind.
There are parents pushing the limits of their kids so that they can be rule followers and law abiding members of society and all the great things. They go on vacations, they are on the honor roll, sports teams, they don't have a single care in the world other than living and reaching their goals and dreams.
My kids...well...
Roblox...
YouTube...
TikTok.... In that order. Nothing more, nothing less.
Sigh...if you can relate...raise your hands so I don't feel awkward...
Oh yeah, and running around full throttle without a care in the world about consequences...that part...
I know that it takes two, but I put the 'own us' on me as a Father because I believe I play a big role in Discipline, Leadership, and Mentorship through Stewardship. No shade on their Mom (whom I refer to as Mommie), but I had to work on my nurturing too, which at times I felt like it wasn't enough because my girls are teens and don't really express themselves.
I know that I've busted my ass and have set things in place for them that neither my or their Mom's parents were able to do for our futures. I may have been hard on them at times, but its all meant with love. Between that and I know there's still A LOT of work to be done, especially with the transitions life will be bringing our way soon.
I've come a long way being a guy afraid to have children and not having enough, to having three healthy children in their own walks of life needing my guidance and mentorship whether they appreciate it or not. Before I get into these Letters to the Future, let me make sure they brush their teeth for the night.
::5 minutes later::
Aight, we're good now. Deep breath, and now its time to write letters to each of my children individually.
Maddie - Late But First
Miss Maddie, you are the one that started it all. The one that thrust me into this new world of Fatherhood. From the moment Mommie told me "She has your nose," while I was deployed overseas, I broke down and cried. In that moment I got a wish I'd had since I was a kid. I would be a father to a daughter...a first born daughter unlike anyone else in my family.
You were the first umbilical cord cut in my life. I was your first feed, and your first butt change all in one. I watched your struggles with crawling and later walking, but in your own time you pulled through. I watched you cry so hard when it came time to potty training, but eventually you found your own time to start using the potty especially when it came to number two. School, you were so excited to start...but as the years passed and the struggles came...the smile started to disappear. Life happened to all of us. Mommie and I tried to shield you all from it but...it was very hard. I carried a lot of the weight because before long Mommie had your sister a year later, and Terron a few years after.
You never had much of a chance to be the baby, but in mind you still maintained that curiosity and that innocence, with a sense of calm and kindness that masked the growing moments of passive aggressiveness when triggered in your tone as you became a teen. I don't have many if at all regrets in my lifetime, but the one thing I wish I kept up with, was spending time with you individually, to help you build a better foundation of your self consciousness so you never felt less than.
So you never felt that your voice didn't matter.
So you never felt that you weren't good enough especially with handling the basic things at home or at school.
Instead of pouring you praise, encouragement, and mentorship through active presence, the screens became your safety net, your best friend, the one thing you look forward to everyday.
The one that matters.
The one you laugh to, the one you feel for and express yourself too.
Somehow I...we enabled the replacement...and I sit and wonder will we ever be able to pull you back to the real reality and not a simulated one.
There's times where I'd been hard on you....to remember the basic things to do, to take pride in doing the little things first and always before settling down to relax.
For the times where my tone scared you or annoyed you.
Where I pointed out what was missing and maybe didn't do enough to encourage you where things went right. Maybe I didn't express how I love you and how much I care about you and your well being...but I'm trying...
No...
I'm doing it now...may this be the first step on the way to recovery and growth for both of us.
I love you...and I'm sorry for letting you down...for the times I robbed you of a good childhood because of the belief and appearance that there was too much going on or we didn't make enough of have enough.
I love you Maddie and I want you to define your own reality...to control your narrative. Life is so much bigger than the screens you see or the virtual people you engage with or maybe even idolize. You must realize that there needs to be effort made to take better care of yourself: Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually, and with your skills talents and abilities.
You may not know right now what life is or where you want to be when you get older....and that's okay.
But you have to start somewhere.
Don't see living as a bore or a chore. It is what you make of it. It is what you create. You can chose to live like Mommie and I or live better. I personally will not settle for you living less than the spark you have in you.
The world needs your kindness and heart even if you don't know what to do with both.
Please don't EVER neglect or forget that.
One last thing, please never neglect your emotions or thoughts and how you feel about certain things, people, and situations. No matter how uncomfortable they may be, what you think and feel matters. Open up and share those with people you love and trust, and I hope that me and Mommie are on that list. My directness may have shut you down in the past...but let me rectify that by encouraging you to please speak up...speak and live your truth, because the rest of your life depends on it.
Tailyn - Fast and Furious (In the Face)
To my hard charger.
My standard bearer.
My flag at the top of the hill looking down at the landscape before her...
with an RBF that could make the demons down below tremble in your wake...
I love you Tailyn.
Somehow, someway, you have absorbed my drive. My work ethic. My desire to ensure that standards are met and that things flow in a way that makes sense. In many ways you and I are similar. We stick to ourselves and have our own small circles we associate with, though you have me beat as an introvert.
Its interesting how your labor with Mommie also determined who you would become. Your labor was quick to act, direct, and to the point. There wasn't even time for Mommie to get the Epidural stick for you.
You wanted out. You wanted to be seen and heard.
From your first breath, your lungs were strong, piercing through the space in the walls where you called home. It didn't even matter the time....you wanted what you wanted...then and now...and if you didn't...those around you would hear about it. Even now, I sit and I chuckle and cringe because of that damn rocking chair we had you in as an infant. Just when we thought you were ready to sleep...YOU REFUSED!
You screamed and cried until you were in that chair and we rocked you til your eyes were heavier than your cries. Because I'd take the night shift, I was the one that stayed tortured...and that's okay! I hated it because nothing seemed to work on you...but I had the energy to do it..and I was grateful to be there for both you and your sister who was just a year old while this all went down.
You were the baby for quite some time, the longest out of the three of you...and you enjoyed it. You and Maddie were inseparable until you ladies got older. That was definitely inevitable with both of you becoming teenagers around the same time and starting to identify differences in yourselves. From a very young age, you listened.
You paid attention to what I was telling you guys to do.
You took an interest in arts especially, experimenting with colors.
Your laugh was unique and it warmed my face to hear it whenever I'd run around with the Yo Gabba Gabba blanket and pretend that I was the infamous Hand Monster (I should bring that back but you'd look at me like nagh I'll pass...and rightfully so)
As I mentioned to your sister, time changed things. As you grew up, regrettably there were less interactions... And when there were interactions it was more direct and commanding instead of me remaining consistent and speaking with calm. Between that and what was going on at home as far as quality of life, it changed you.
It made you close off, quiet, and yet you nor any of us could understand why.
School made you feel uncomfortable for a number of reasons.
Seeing you have your light dimmed hit me in the chest and yet, I still kept following the old script of gotta do school gotta learn gotta be successful... Until we agreed to pull you out of school.
But the dimness remained. We would try to speak and would either get the cold look or the one word answers whether you were upset or not.
You would puncture your siblings with your bluntness and desire to be right in everything, even if it came across as harsh or wrong.
You demanded fairness in everything and didn't understand that your brother didn't receive special treatment at all. He was dealt with in a different way.
Your provocations pushed buttons (as is shown in your Human Design chart) but at a cost. Your boldness masks the insecurities of the unknown in you. Your unwillingness to try something because of anxiety with people judging you, the same way you judge others even with sarcasm.
You don't want to be wrong, so you armor up with defensiveness, walking away before someone can have a conversation with you and show you a different way of seeing it. You'd rather get the last word... And that is where your struggles begin.
I know this because of the few reasons I broke things down for you and you cried.
I know you want to be seen, heard, included and accepted, and I'm sorry for letting you down with that.
I'm sorry for making you feel like the way to live is to be or appear iron clad... To have everything in order.
I'm sorry for not encouraging you enough to share your thoughts and feelings when maybe it would have made a difference.
I'm sorry for not giving you a fun and exciting childhood where you got to go out and experience more than just Tik Tok, YouTube Streamers, and Roblox Games.
Thats enough about the apologies from me...
I commend you on taking care of yourself in every way. Taking the time to clean and create a neat and tidy environment and appearance for yourself.
I admire your strength to be assertive when it is for growth, improvement, and the greater good. I never have to nudge you to do something because you're on top of it... But you don't need to come off as perfect and right for me or anyone. Come as you are, even if you are wrong, struggling, or don't know what's happening inside your young mind and body.
Don't be so hard and harsh on Maddie and Terron (especially him) because they aren't like you or don't understand what you do... or they don't have the drive you do. No one is a know it all... And arrogance burns bridges you'll need to cross at some point in your life whether you connect with people or not.
You have a bright future my dear. Please don't ruin it with bottled emotions and words that cut deeper than daggers. Speak what you think and feel, but not with the harshness of hidden pain. We've always got your back and though I don't say or show it as much as I should... I love you Tailyn.
Terron - Pinball on Tilt
The Fireball.
The Daredevil...
The real Boy without Fear (unless it comes down to little bugs and bees).
The kid that questions, and yet has enough energy to power a nuclear reactor by running and doing swan dives off the couch...yes he would actually do that because of impulse and boredom.
Again, a nod to your labor my son. You were probably bored in Mommie and decided to do your own grand entrance that forced the doctors and nurses to brace from unscheduled pushing out after a fairly lengthy labor (the longest out of the three of you...trend of the boys according to her).
You added one more to the ranks of the guys in the home, and I finally got to raise a son and show him the ropes to be a good man one day, better than me. I know I have my shortfalls, but I hope that I am not disappointing you outside of not getting you everything that you want right now (even as I write this or you read this)
I've watched you grow and I see myself in you, but with a lot more edge. You've had a lot of struggles with school, day care, and even at home because of the impulses rumbling in your brain.
You're such a smart kid with a bright future, and it saddens me to see how you react when things don't go your way, or when you are told no you have to wait. When you lose a game, rather than take a breather and do something else, you were driven to keep on fighting, getting angrier each time to the point of throwing your phone, throwing something, stomping, screaming (even sputtering words that sound like curses). You'd storm off fuming because you haven't yet understood the coping mechanisms we've tried to show or tell you. When it takes you sometimes two-hours to return to your calm state, it shocks me because I wonder if I too failed in this regard as a parent. I've asked myself what am I dong wrong? What more must I do? What's the best approach to show you how to cope.
The best example is with the parents themselves, and I know at times I slip...but I strive to handle the situation in the best way possible. Even those moments where I get too frustrated, I reach back out and apologize. I try to communicate when there are cooler heads. I don't like being the bad guy without reason or being able to teach you something from the experience. Even I need to work on my extreme emotions from time to time. But I also know that I should give myself more grace because we're human.
There's so much we want to teach you...that I want to teach you.
First my son, emotions you feel are valid. Feel them. Process them. Express them in a way that is safe and understood by someone you trust whether its me, Mommie, or a friend. It will work wonders to express your emotions in a safe and constructive way.
Conversation is best, but if you need to cry or express it in a different way, do find your way.
Journal, for example, draw it out on paper. Do not hurt yourself, other people, or destroy property, especially what you have because in the end it will be a decision you will ultimately regret.
Find ways to decompress. Grab me and take a walk or a scooter ride, come up with and do some workouts. Get the blood flowing without being loud and violent. If you need help, communicate it with us.
Waiting is hard, especially when you are raised in a world where you can get things instantly with the click of a button in the digital space. However, the best things in life require patience and gratitude for what and who you have already. I know it is hard to understand with the impulses in your mind. But it is a valuable lesson that will save you from trouble and meltdowns later on in life. The more we rush for things, the more likely we spoil the moment of long term satisfaction.
Words carry divine power in our lives.
What we say lifts and shapes things.
What we communicate can shift emotions quickly and change the energy in a room from peaceful to chaotic in an instant.
I know there are things you say to be a joke, but you must understand what you speak about and think about you can bring about. Be respectful, listen more than you talk, read the room and know how people feel, and stop inserting yourself into conversations you are not a part of (You and Tailyn have this in common). That is how fights happen. When you say 'I don't care,' you actually do, otherwise you wouldn't have said anything.
Here's to the Future, My Children
I don't expect you to follow my path through life. You will need to lead your own life and find your own way. Be honorable and respectful.
Speak your truth including how you feel but do it in a way that isn't harsh or hurts others, but promotes respect and conversation.
Life isn't all about what you can get (Ahem...Roblox, Money, your Phones, TV, and the rest of the material things out in the world). It's also about what you can offer to yourself and those around you. We live to bring our gifts to the world, the talents we have, the things we enjoy to do whether its art, writing, singing, taking care of children, animals, etc.
The world has gotten colder because everyone is terrified to survive and yet following societies standards. Create your own standard.
Don't sit around and expect someone to do for you or come to save you. If you go through life acting like 'you don't know', you will never find out. Ask for help, communicate, research, gain the knowledge to do something by DOING.
With doing, never be afraid to FAIL or make a mistake. If you are concerned that someone will be disappointed in you (especially me) don't worry about it. Don't let the fear of a mistake stop you from finding your truth. If what you do upsets them, they are lying to themselves because EVERYONE sucks the first time they do something. I will never be disappointed in you for falling short while trying, contrary to what you may believe or fear, and neither will Mommie.
Treat each other with respect, including how you speak to each other. Respect each other's boundaries and wishes. Do not provoke to start a fight just because you are BORED and find what your sibling is doing isn't what you would do. Honor their differences. If something isn't safe, address it with tact. In the end, we are family and must look out for each other. You never know when you will need the help of the one you were so quick to criticize...and yet you had everything together.
Lastly...I love you all. Mommie loves you all even though the face of our family will morph and change. Whatever happens, you will always be our children and we will love you and look out for you just the same.
Together, Lets stay #WRITEntangled
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